omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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