can u get pink eye on your cock?
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Randomize
