Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
