Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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