i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
