God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
