fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
