Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
