I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
