I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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