After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
