Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
I think I have vodka in my lungs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
