thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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