I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
