One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
