I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize