You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
