Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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