singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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