Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
