I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
