It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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