people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
