I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
