Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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