its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
It's blow job season.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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