I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize