Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
