another moral hangover. fuck.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
