i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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