It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
