I bet he comes in French.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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