uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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