five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
