I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
