he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Randomize