Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we're so committed to being not committed
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
