I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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