the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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