my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
