New invention idea: vibrating tampons
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize