We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
