I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
