thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
