The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
