You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
