Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
