i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need to calm my uterus...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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