I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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