TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
