she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Randomize
