Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think I won the penis lottery.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
