your room smells of hookers.
And success
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize