My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
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I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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