I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
