he wants to bone in the snuggie
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
