For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Success! We fucked roommates!
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
