You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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