my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Lo siento on account of my penis...
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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