i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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