I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
My cat gives me a boner
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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