This dress was meant to end up on your floor
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
