youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
