I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
