i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Randomize
