You made me cry and you don't even care
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
