all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
