His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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