Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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