Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
