As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Randomize
