there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
