problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
only you would photoshop your dick
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
