Will you blow on my dice?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Randomize
