haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
