Since when is my name a synonym for head?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Actions speak louder than pants.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
