yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
