Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
