Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
