i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
