yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
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