Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
