he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
