Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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