Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
