i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
