dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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