so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
