this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
