I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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