The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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