Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize