I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
jump out the window naked night went bad
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
