so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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