i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Randomize
