I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
