One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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