I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
