Umm I'm too high to move.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize