I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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