Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
