Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
