benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize