she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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