it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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