Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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